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  Splosion Man - XBLA

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Posting Rank:Trooper Candidate

Posts : 39
Join date : 2010-12-27

PostSubject: Splosion Man - XBLA    Wed Dec 29, 2010 3:04 pm

[SIZE="6"]Splosion Man - XBLA[/SIZE]

You know, sometimes I truly wish from the bottom of my heart that Microsoft did refunds for downloadable content. Because I downloaded a XBLA game that I regretted so much my credit card slapped me across my face and my money notes gave me paper cuts. Splosion Man is truly one of the most horrible non-Japanese games I’ve ever played.

Before I begin I need to say I only bought this because I played the demo and I thought it looked pretty fun. The levels offered in the demo were pretty good and fun to play. So I bought this, only to be disappointed by what all the other levels had to offer. And here’s something I thought I’d never say, I found Shadow the Hedgehog better than this, and unfortunately that’s true.

You play as Splosion Man, who has the power to explode. Which if that isn’t the most retarded super power ever I don’t know what is. Splosion Man is completely made out of pure fiery explosion and on top of that has a personality of a five year old on the sugar rush of its life. So he is very annoying and won’t get out of your vision. Splosion Man I guess is some sort of science experiment gone wrong, it’s never explained how or why he is here but the game is all set around a laboratory and scientists are trying to kill him. Splosion Man now must try and escape the whole 50 levels of a massive laboratory. Going through 3 whole of 3 completely different background.

UGH, this is Splosion Man, who makes A FF characters hairstyle look sane.

The controls are simple. You move Splosion Man with Left Stick and Explode with either A, B, X or Y. You can explode up to three times before you must get back on the floor and regenerate those three explosions back. Exploding can help jump up and off of walls, It can also blow up things to get to higher places. So exploding is just jump and attack in this game. Now this sounds like a good idea. It WOULD have been a good idea if Splosion Man wasn’t too slow to reach half the platforms necessary to survive and if half of the platforms weren’t all over the place.

The whole game is basically a platform like Super Mario Bros. or Sonic the Hedgehog (the classic ones). It tries so hard to be like these games but it’s just not. In Sonic the Hedgehog You actually can go as fast as you need/want to. In Splosion Man the game doesn’t tell you when you need to slow down and stop running. So you could have your thumb glued to the left stick and keep holding right when all of a sudden you need to get to a platform that you need to stop for, but it‘s too late, you‘re already dead. In Super Mario Bros. the platforms are well placed and easy to simply jump up and land. In Splosion Man three jumps still isn’t even to reach simple platform. You need some serious tactic to reach some really badly placed platforms. There are many checkpoints through each level but that truly saying that the creators knew this game was too tedious.

And the worst part is that if you die about 5 or 10 times the game give you an option called “Way of the Coward” which let’s you skip to the next level, but essentially the game just told you, YOU SUCK and they can’t bare watching you fail anymore. That’s really bad, you don’t want people who suck actually know that they suck, they still need some self esteem.

Do you have any idea what's going on? Neither do I

I guess the real gimmick in Splosion Man is it’s sheer randomness. Like when you blow up a scientist loads of meat fillets spew out, which has no relevance to anything. Like the loading screen has Splosion Man say the most random things, though it’s never clear what he say. But I guess the most random thing ,and I’ll be honest the best thing in this game, is the fat scientists. You can’t blow them up but you use them to help you deflect lasers. That’s right, this type of scientist can protect you from lasers with his pure fat, how awesome is that? And on top of that when you pick him up to carry he has a theme song ABOUT DONUTS.

Achievement wise it’s a hit and miss. There are some really half-assed achievements like watching through the whole credits, or exploding 300 times in one level (which you could just stay at the beginning and just mash A 300 times). And of course there is the ‘get to the end of the game’ and ‘collect all of this item in every level’. But I stopped caring about Achievements a long time ago. The music isn’t bad I still think the Fat Scientist’s Donut Theme is the best thing in this game but that’s like saying you want to only play Sonic games just to hear Crush 40.

This isn't a screenshot from the game, this is Shadow the Hedgehog, which, in this case, is a much better game.


The worst, I really can not give this a positive response when overall it’s one of the worst games I’ve ever played. I tried so hard to like it and it’s tries so hard to like me but for some reason we just don’t click. This game tries to be like other Platformers but it just can’t. As I said at the beginning the demo version I enjoyed but when I got the game, I was ashamed of buying it. So my suggestion is just get the free demo and never even think about buying this god awful piece of crap.

I’d recommend this for:
+ People who love randomness
+ People who deliberately want to waste money on bad things
+ Those who didn’t like either Super Mario Bros. nor Sonic the Hedgehog (that comes to no one)

I wouldn’t recommend this for:
- Everyone in the world
- Spontaneously Combusted people
- Scientists

Up’s and Down’s
+ A song about Donuts is included
- The main character can’t shut up
- You will die, a lot
- Even the most randomist things still have some sense attached
- Waste of time and money


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